


Endings

by hjulie92



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28994487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjulie92/pseuds/hjulie92
Summary: Set during the beginning of Season 2 and beyond, Kanan is looking for a way out of the all-too-formal Rebellion and ends up finding a perfect distraction: his ex-girlfriend, Rhia Denley. May end up turning a bit more AU, depending on how I feel. Rated Mature for language and some non-explicit intimacy.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus & Original Female Character(s), Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Everywhere people walked, trotted, and ran into and out of Kanan’s line of vision. They criss-crossed in every single direction, yet everyone managed to stay out of each other’s way for the most part. It was suffocating, Kanan thought. So many people, faces, ranks and titles. He’d only been working aboard the _Liberator_ for a few standard weeks (long enough, in his opinion), but he’d already given up on trying to remember the ranking system, let alone the specific rank of each rebel. He’d taken to walking behind Hera any time they were aboard the vessel, and when she saluted someone, he, begrudgingly, did the same. Otherwise, he stayed aboard _Ghost_ as often as he could.

Hera was in front of him now, and the kids- Zeb, Sabine, and Ezra- followed close by. Kanan felt bad; she’d been explaining what she wanted to do differently the next time they were on a similar “cargo-thieving” mission as the one they’d just returned from, and he’d all but started ignoring her. It was entirely his fault, he felt. He couldn’t hear himself think over all of the people in the bay and the intercom that seemed to always be seeking out someone.

Hera could sense that Kanan wasn’t really paying attention, but she was mostly talking to herself right now. She always felt better when she could explain things out loud, even if it was only to herself.

“Well I thought the mission went pretty well,” Ezra spoke up, shaking Hera out of her thoughts. Turns out one of them was listening.

“It’s not that it didn’t go well, Ezra,” Hera added, gently. “I’m just saying there’s always room for improvement.”

Several droids, each carrying a large crate, crossed in front of the Spectres, forcing Hera to stop abruptly and Kanan, who was so focused on watching everything else, bumped into her.

“This place is a madhouse. Why do we need to talk to Sato? Didn’t he just watch everything that just happened? Wasn’t he _there_?” Kanan said, letting more frustration than was warranted slip out. He frowned and Hera turned and matched the look.

“Kanan, it’s standard protocol to debrief with our commanding officer after…”

Kanan checked out at “protocol.” It seemed like these kinds of things were all Hera talked about these days. He hadn’t felt so restricted in years, nor had he felt like he had to compete for Hera’s attention (more than normal) in years. She was still talking when something caught Kanan’s eye and pulled his gaze and his feet to an abrupt stop.

A glimpse of red, he thought, the kind of which he hadn’t seen in years. Seven of them, to be exact.

A glimpse was all it was though. His eyes searched for where it had come from, but there were easily a hundred personnel in any given direction. Five stacks of crates rose and floated by, presumably carried by five people eclipsed on the other side of them. They formed a wall as they passed that effectively obstructed his view of the crowd of people in which he thought he spotted the red hair.

“Kanan?” Hera touched his arm, and his attention returned to her. “What are you doing?” He glanced back over the sea of people, not ready to admit he hadn’t seen _anything_.

“I thought I saw....” Kanan trailed off, searching… searching…

“Who do _you_ know in Phoenix Cell?” Hera asked, disbelief and a joking edge surrounding her words. That got Kanan to look at her, his usual smirk back on his face. Hera thought briefly how she hadn’t seen such a face lately, and then the thought was passed up by a million others.

“No one, that I know of,” he said, giving Hera a smile and walking back over to the others who waited, confused. Just as he was ready to get his mind back on the Spectres and whatever mundane, soul-crushing aspect of Phoenix Cell awaited him, there it was again- a flash of the most unique and memorable shade of red Kanan had ever seen. Only this time it wasn’t just a flash, and it was connected to the head and body of one of the people who had just set down one of the large stacks of crates. Kanan stared at the woman, mouth starting to fall open, and almost let her return to the crowd, lost, before he forced a single word onto his tongue.

“ _Rhia?!_ ”

***

Rhia Denley grunted as her arms lifted a crate over her head and locked it into the stack that rose before her. Bashi said something next to her that _still_ wasn’t loud enough for her to hear it (she’d been telling him to speak up since she reported this morning).

“ _What, Bashi?_ ” she snapped, and the Mythrol pursed his blue lips, hearing the edge in her voice.

“I was saying,” Bashi started, then remembered to amplify his voice even more, “all of the carrier droids have been checked out, so I could only get three of them. So you and I just need to move these two stacks to the drop zone on the other side of the bay where someone else’s droids will see them and grab them.” Rhia smiled, feeling guilty for snapping and also appreciative that he’d finally spoken loud enough for her to hear him.

“Gotcha. Sorry, Bash, you know this place is an echo chamber. I’m already old and hard of hearing,” she joked, giving him a punch in the arm. He smiled and nodded as he typed in directions on the last carrier droid next to them. The droid revved and began lifting the stack; only, it’s motor whined and sputtered, nearly collapsing and bringing the stack of crates tumbling. Before either Rhia or Bashi could react, the droid’s engines fully kicked in and its back thruster let out a gust of warm exhaust that sent a few bits of Rhia’s pinned-back hair flailing. She frowned, pushed the pieces behind her ears, and squatted, ready to lift her stack.

“Don’t forget,” she started, glancing sideways at Bashi who had started to bend forward to grab his crates, “lift with your knees.” She snapped upright, her stack in her arms and her legs feeling underprepared. She would have grabbed an anti-grav platform if she’d known she’d be in charge of the heavy-lifting. Bashi’s recent words floated through her mind at that thought; if droids were in short supply, everything else useful probably was too.

Rhia couldn’t really see where she was going but she was able to sneak her head out from the side of her stack and kept up with the droid in front of her. When she saw the yellow-outlined square appear under her feet, signalling a drop zone, she brought her stack to the floor again. Her legs felt shaky, reminding her she really should adhere to the volunteer fitness regimes more. She stood up and saw Bashi’s shaky stack show up right next to hers. Clearly, the Mythrol had struggled with the weight as well.

“Bashi, I think you and I had better hit the running machine more if the Rebellion gets any bigger.” He looked at her, confused. “There won’t be any droids left to save our legs,” she added, smiling. Bashi grinned, letting a quiet chuckle out, and began walking back into the crowd in the main part of the bay. Rhia began to follow when someone unfamiliar called her name, just her first name, and she looked back over her shoulder.

“ _Rhia?!_ ”

There stood a man with a small beard and ponytail, wearing green shoulder armor that extended down his right arm. He was several years older than the last time she had seen him, to be sure, but there was no doubt- the man was Kanan Jarrus.

“Kanan?” Rhia asked, just as stunned as he had been. Around them, organized chaos continued, monotonous calls came steadily over the intercom, and the group of rebels around Kanan all watched intently. However, the two of them only continued to stare. Finally, Rhia spoke first.

“ _You’re_ with Phoenix Crew?” she asked, clearly in some sort of disbelief.

“Well… uh…” Kanan drew his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess… We’re new,” he added, gesturing to the Spectres. Rhia’s eyes went to them as he introduced them.

“This is Zeb, Ezra, Sabine, and Hera my- uh, my pilot,” he stammered when he got to Hera, and Rhia could instantly tell why.

Hera frowned ever so slightly and gave Kanan a look out of the corner of her eye at the word “pilot.” Kanan was doing the stammering thing he did when he was pretending to know what he was doing. Clearly, he knew this woman and clearly she was having an affect on him. She didn’t want to be jealous and tried to remind herself that the only reason Kanan had stumbled over what to refer to her as was because of the boundaries surrounding their relationship- boundaries she’d been the one to set. Still, the sight and sound of him now reminded her of the moment _they’d_ met for the first time, back on Gorse all those years ago, and, frankly, she didn’t like it.

“It’s good to meet you,” Rhia said, politely, nodding to the crew. She waited for Kanan (or anyone, really) to speak again, but they stood together in more silence that was quickly becoming awkward. Rhia was trying to think of a quick way to end the encounter when a familiar blue face popped out of the crowd behind Kanan and the others.

“Captain Denley!” Bashi called, a datapad aloft in his hands. Rhia silently thanked him with her eyes for the rescue.

“Sorry, you’ll have to excuse me,” she said, giving a final nod and beginning to walk past them. On her way she paused and placed a soft hand on Kanan’s shoulder. She spoke quietly but not so quiet that it seemed intimate.

“We should catch up,” she said, smiling. And with that she continued past and back into the throng of the bustling service bay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos! You truly, truly, truly give me more motivation than you could possibly realize.
> 
> I’ve included dialogue from the s02e01 scene where Kanan and Hera have a very Han/Leia hallway argument and I definitely don’t want to take credit for such things (I only wanted to add it to help me with my flow a bit)

Kanan sat on the step ladder leading up to the  _ Liberator _ ’s control panels. His presence was a silent mark of informality in the middle of the crew’s debriefing meeting with Commander Sato. The rest of the crew, plus Ahsoka, stood around the holo-console in the middle of the floor. Sato was saying something about the  _ Ghost _ crew-  _ his _ crew- but Kanan was barely half listening. For one, every other word that came out of Sato’s mouth was some military formality and, thus, not something that interested him in the slightest. But the main reason he wasn’t listening was that Rhia Denley’s image was still burned into his thoughts.

Seven years. When you hadn’t seen someone in this galaxy for seven years, you started to assume you never would again. At least, that’s how Kanan had felt. 

However, suddenly she was here again- she  _ existed _ again, something Kanan had tried hard to convince himself wasn’t even true. It was easier to convince himself she was something he’d imagined than for him to remember her and the way she’d crushed his young heart years ago. Besides, thinking about that heartache had always made him feel guilty once Hera was in his life. Now, however, he was feeling so many things he didn’t even have room for guilt.

What he did have room for was a hefty amount of bitterness, and for more than one reason. First of all, he was already bitter before Rhia showed up; he’d hardly hidden his feelings and had become almost spiteful about how they had been sucked into a military operation. But even that wasn’t totally separate from his thoughts about Rhia.

Rhia and Kanan had become a “thing” on Gorse, very soon after Kanan had set up what passed as a life there. Their meeting was by chance, but they had run into each other briefly when he was even younger and worked with a smuggler named Janus Kasmir. It was actually Rhia who told him about low-profile jobs on Gorse then, so he wasn’t altogether surprised that she ended up there eventually too. While he wasn’t much more than a kid when they first met, when they reconnected on Gorse, he was older and far more interesting to Rhia. They quickly became infatuated with one another for the better part of four months, which was practically a lifelong commitment to Kanan. Before Hera, Rhia was the longest relationship he’d ever been in. 

Rhia, however, had bigger goals than being a bartender’s girlfriend and working as a miner on Cynda. Rhia, much like Hera, was interested in the Rebellion. She’d made this clear early on, but she didn’t try to preach to Kanan, and he’d liked that about her. However, once she’d found a connection to a group of Rebels on the Holonet, she had tried- more than once- to get him to come with her. That’s what made running into her  _ here _ , of all places, all the more exasperating and awkward. He’d ended up here anyway, despite his countless protestations- and he didn’t even want to be.

Seeing Rhia again reminded him, among other things, of all of the reasons he told her he didn’t want to join the Rebellion. And that reminded him that they were all still true.

Kanan heard Sato say something about the Spectres being “invaluable,” and then suddenly Chopper burst into the meeting, much to Commander Sato and Hera’s dismay. He was going on about an emergency incoming transmission, and, frankly, Kanan welcomed the change. His bitterness with this situation, this Rebellion- this  _ meeting _ had reached its peak.

***

Less than ten minutes later, Kanan’s bitterness had already gotten him into trouble, and with Hera, no less. 

After telling Chopper to play his transmission during a “secret debriefing,” Hera had scowled at him for the rest of the meeting. He’d tried to rush out and get out of her line of fire once they were dismissed, but she’d caught him in the hallway and firmly let him know he wasn’t authorized to do that.

“Authorization! Procedure!  _ That’s _ what’s bothering me!” he’d raised his voice, uncaring of the people that were attempting to walk past them as they argued. 

Hera put her hands up gently, sighing at having finally gotten him to drop the passive aggressive quips about their work lately. It wasn’t hard to guess what had been bothering him, but he was a grown adult who should be able to talk to her, of all people.

“All right. Talk to me,” she said, lowering her voice. Kanan sighed and did the same.

“After this mission, I want us to go back on our own,” he said firmly. “Fighting alongside soldiers isn’t what I signed up for.” At that, Hera frowned at him and shoved him into an open doorway, pointing a gloved finger in his face.

“You seem to be forgetting  _ these soldiers _ helped save your life,” she said, looking at him with those big eyes that could be both demanding and softening at the same time. After that remark, he couldn’t meet them.

“And I’m grateful,” he started, “but that doesn’t mean I want to join their little army. When you and I started together, it was ‘Rob from the Empire, give to the needy,’ a noble cause. Now we’re getting drawn into some kind of military thing! I don’t like it.” 

Somehow Hera’s voice became more serious and more earnest.

“We are fighting a bigger fight, but it’s still the right fight,” she said, all but pleading with him to understand that they’d been fighting in the name of the Rebellion all along. Kanan wasn’t having it.

“I survived one war. I’m not ready for another one,” he said, turning away from her. She grabbed his arm. “I saw what it did.”

“To the Jedi?” she asked, almost whispering. He looked back at her.

“To everyone.” He left the doorway and continued walking down the hall, hearing Hera’s exasperated sigh behind him. 

Kanan loved virtually everything about Hera, even her flaws. She was incredibly stubborn, but since he was so go-with-the-flow, it never really got in their way. In fact, it practically complimented his own personality. She would get adamant and obsessed over something, and he would follow her anywhere and do anything she asked of him. At least, that’s how things had gone for them for the past seven years, right up until the formal Rebellion had rescued him from the Grand Inquisitor. Now it was suddenly a reality of Kanan’s world that he was part of a military operation and that could only lead to one thing: war. 

Hera had been familiar with war her whole life, but not in the same way Kanan had. He’d fought in battles as a young teen alongside his master, Depa Billaba and seen the realities of it all over the galaxy. Hera’s own world was war-torn, for sure, but her role in that war was far different than Kanan’s. For the first time since he’d met her, he felt like she was incapable of understanding him.

Kanan headed to the only place he really wanted to be right now: his quarters on  _ Ghost _ . He felt like meditating, if only for the quiet. He lost himself in his thoughts there for maybe an hour, and eventually his sour attitude had at least subsided. He remembered his harsh tone with Hera and his obvious instigation of Chopper in the meeting. He still didn’t care about what Sato thought, but he felt bad for making Hera look bad. Now, it felt like such a childish thing to have done.

He left his quarters and, once seeing the  _ Ghost _ was still empty, he went back out into the bay. It was less busy now, as most of the cargo that littered the area earlier had been taken elsewhere by now. His eyes scanned for Hera; he knew he should apologize to her. When he didn’t see her, or any of the Spectres, he set off down one of the hallways that he believed led to the commissary. He hadn’t taken the time to get to know his way around this ship (by design) so he honestly had no clue where to start looking for her. He’d gone pretty far without seeing anything resembling a commissary and was about to turn around when an amazing aroma hit him and made his stomach growl: garlic. 

Something told him to follow the smell, which led him down a corridor that opened up to a large galley. Standing in front of a pan sizzling on the stove, as Kanan had expected, was Rhia. She looked up at him, surprised, but then smiled.

“I should have known this would attract you,” she said with a smirk, then turned her attention back to the sizzling pan, stirring the contents with a wooden spoon. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were  _ trying _ to get me here,” Kanan added, grabbing a seat at an empty table near the stove. “You know how I feel about your cooking.” She looked up and grinned at him.

“The same way everyone does,” she said, confidently. She left the pan and attended to a cutting board with what looked like an onion and some kind of pepper on it. 

Kanan’s stomach growled again. Rhia was an amazing cook and loved every piece of food he’d ever seen her hold. She only ever ate ration bars or drank nutritive milk when she absolutely had to. Otherwise, she kept her own stock of spices and quality ingredients and went well out of her way (and budget) to get fresh produce. Kanan’s mind drifted back to memories of watching Rhia cooking in her kitchen on Gorse. He remembered breakfast with eggs and some sort of mushroom, watching her move her hands skillfully around knives and pans and the ingredients, often wearing nothing but-

“So,” Rhia started, pulling Kanan out of his memory. “You finally joined the Rebellion.” Kanan’s brow wrinkled.

“What do you mean by  _ finally _ ?” he asked, already feeling himself becoming defensive. Rhia rolled her eyes.

“Nothing,” she said, slicing into her pepper, grinning.

“And no,  _ I _ did not join anything,” Kanan said, putting extra emphasis on “I” and jabbing his thumb to his chest. She looked back up at him as she scraped ingredients from her cutting board to the pan. 

“That was Hera Syndulla, wasn’t it? Captain of the  _ Ghost _ ? You’re part of  _ Ghost _ crew, right?” she pressed, confused. Kanan was more than a little surprised.

“You’ve heard of us?” Kanan asked, his vanity getting the better of him and nearly allowing a smile to creep onto his face. Rhia rolled her eyes again and laughed.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Kanan. I’ve heard of Captain Syndulla, not her first mate,” she joked, laughing more at the fall of Kanan’s expression. Then realization struck her. “Wait, are you the one we just blew up a star destroyer for?” Kanan grimaced.

“Yes, but that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t tell them to- and it was Chopper who-” Rhia held her hand up, seeing him getting defensive.

“Kanan, I don’t really know anything about what happened. I wasn’t here for it, I just heard about it. I was on a freighter headed to a rendezvous. I don’t even know who Chopper is,” she said, going back to her pan.

“He’s our droid,” Kanan said flatly. “Anyway, my crew performed the rescue. I was aboard Tarkin’s destroyer.” Rhia looked up at him again, this time a little more serious.

“What was that like?” she asked.

“Not fun.”

Rhia didn’t push the topic further. She grabbed a pan of noodles that had been sitting over to her right and mixed them into the skillet with some oil. Kanan was suddenly fascinated by the chipped edge of the table in front of him. 

Satisfied with the meal in front of her, Rhia reached into a cabinet behind her and pulled out two plates and then matched them with two forks. She set them out on the table Kanan was sitting at and then divided the noodles in half. Before she sat down, however, she went back to the cabinet and grabbed two glasses. When she set them down the table Kanan looked up at her, arching his eyebrow. She went to a backpack that sat on the floor behind the counter and pulled out a glass bottle with no markings and a familiar light brown liquid sloshing inside. She poured herself a drink, placed the mouth of the bottle over his glass and paused, looking at him, silently offering the drink. 

“I can’t think of what goes better with your dinners,” he said, and she poured. 

As soon as Kanan took a bite, his memories were triggered all over again. He was pretty sure he’d never even eaten this specific dish before, given her access to such a wide variety of ingredients. But it didn’t matter. Rhia’s meals were memorable for some sort of shared quality that bound them all together, even when they were drastically different. Not only that, but he realized how long it had been since he’d eaten, and how much longer it had been since he’d eaten something of this quality. For a few minutes they ate in silence, Kanan unavailable for any and all conversation. Eventually, Rhia spoke.

“So explain to me how you haven’t joined the Rebellion?” Kanan sighed, but the food had made him quite amenable to discussing just about anything. He did, however, take a drink before he replied.

“I didn’t know we were a cell. I didn’t know there  _ were _ cells. Hera was the only one who spoke to Fulcrum and knew of the larger operation. I found out when I was… rescued,” Kanan ended quietly. Rhia could tell that being rescued and  _ needing _ so much from so many, made him uncomfortable. 

“That had to be quite a shock,” she said, sensing the need for a new subject. “So you and Hera, when did you two meet?” she asked. Kanan looked at her, surprised. He could tell by the way she asked, she knew that they were together. Rhia gave him a “give me a break” look.

“Kanan, really- my ‘pilot’? Shit, I’ve seen explosions that were more subtle.” She chuckled and took another drink, emptying the glass. Kanan did the same. Rhia offered up the bottle again.

“Another?”

Kanan looked at it, hesitating. He hardly drank at all anymore, let alone like he did when they were living on Gorse. However, depending on where this conversation was going to go, Kanan felt like he would need something more than blood in his veins. 

“One more.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhia, Kanan, and Hera get slightly drunk and Rhia and Hera make fun of Kanan because why not. Plenty of flirting ensues.

“Force, Rhia, that was delicious.” Kanan placed his fork on his plate and pushed it away from him, feeling more full than he’d been in months. She smiled her thank you at his compliment. 

Kanan swirled the contents of his drink around, examining them before taking a sip. He could already feel the alcohol, and he was only one and a half drinks in. He thought back to nights at the bar on Gorse and how many drinks he’d put away all while still being remarkably coherent. He also thought of all the nights he’d spent on the floor of that bar and decided he’d made a good trade-off in his adulthood.

Rhia stood and collected the plates and utensils, taking them over to the sink. Kanan watched her, his thoughts back on the lost memory of her cooking him breakfast that had suddenly made its home in his brain again. He smirked and let out a quick chuckle, realizing the image of her standing at the sink now matched the one in his memory like a mirror- just, with more clothing. She looked back at him.

“Something funny?”

“It doesn’t feel all that different,” he started. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Us, I mean,” he explained. “I had all these things I thought up to say to you but then you were just…” he trailed off, unsure of his next words.

“Just what?” she asked. He shrugged but smiled down into his glass as he drained it for the second time. 

“I don’t know. Just you,” he said, his voice just beginning to be swallowed by alcohol-induced giddiness. “I kept thinking about what I should say to you earlier when I was meditating,” he said, ignoring or just not noticing the increase in the height of her already raised brow. “But then I got here and you were making dinner and suddenly we’re just shooting the shit like I’m 22 and you’re…” he paused, frowning. “How old are you again?” he asked, surprised he’d forgotten. He blamed it on the alcohol. She grimaced.

“I’m glad you’ve forgotten,” was all she offered up as an answer. He moved on.

“I’m just saying, you haven’t changed. At all,” he finished. He could hear his tone shifting, becoming lighter than it had been all day. Again, he gave credit to the alcohol. Rhia smirked but otherwise left the comment unacknowledged.

“Since when do you meditate?” she asked as she rinsed the dishes off.

“It’s new,” was all he added.

“Is that a jedi thing?” He looked at her, a little surprised. Rhia knew who Kanan was, but it was still somewhat new to him to hear people talk about it openly. 

“It is. I’m sort of a jedi again,” he said and laughed at his own statement. He reached back and rubbed his neck. “It’s weird.” 

Rhia finished washing the plates and walked back over to the table. On her way, she grabbed the glass bottle off the counter. She poured her own drink and didn’t bother to look at Kanan. She capped the bottle and set it near the center of the table. 

“You know, I don’t really drink… at all anymore,” Kanan offered, eyeing the bottle. 

“I’m not asking you to,” Rhia replied simply, quite relaxed. She’d meant it; she had no interest in trying to get Kanan drunk, especially if it was happening as quickly as it seemed to be. However, if he _chose_ to get drunk, she certainly wasn’t going to stop him. 

Kanan reached out slowly and grabbed the bottle, a peaceful look on his face. He poured another drink for himself and took a sip. 

“You’ll never believe this, but-” and he laughed, caught off guard by how funny his next statement would sound to Rhia. “I have an apprentice- a padawan,” he said, slipping back into his chuckles. Rhia’s mouth all but fell open.

“You what?” she asked in disbelief. “ _You_ have a _padawan_?” Rhia was joking, but she was also very serious. Kanan finished laughing and looked up at her, nodding.

“Yep. And you know, I’m not a half bad teacher honestly,” he said, feeling prouder than he expected to. It was Rhia’s turn to laugh. “I’m serious!” he protested.

“Kanan,” she began. “Who put you in charge of their _child_?” she asked in the middle of another fit of laughter. Kanan’s face remained tranquil, but he did get a little more serious.

“Well… he doesn’t have parents- not anymore,” he said. Rhia stopped laughing and her expression softened. 

“Well that’s… that’s good of you,” she said and took a drink. The more somber moment passing quickly, she looked back up at him with sudden realization. “Shit Kanan, you’re not just a master, you’re like a father aren’t you?” Kanan let out a short laugh that morphed into a sigh.

“Yeah I.... I kinda am. We’re kind of like parents,” he said, his grin turning huge. 

“We?” Rhia asked, interested. Kanan looked quickly down at his drink for another sip. 

“Yeah uh,” he began awkwardly. “Me and Hera we’re kind of… together.” Rhia smiled at him.

“She’s pretty impressive, Kanan,” she said and he smiled back at her, letting out a breath. “Way too good for you,” she added.

“You are not wrong.” 

“Though, I assume she still fits your type,” she said and Kanan immediately rolled his eyes.

“Rhia, I don’t have a type,” he said adamantly, but she’d started giggling. “And if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be people with ‘daddy issues,’” he said, making air quotes. Rhia’s laughter filled the room. 

Back on Gorse one drunken night, Rhia had begun taking a long oral history of Kanan’s ex-partners. After around a dozen stories that all pretty much began and ended the same way, Rhia surmised that Kanan seemed to be attracted to lovers who tended to have some either spoken or unspoken issues with their fathers. Kanan protested adamantly and continuously, and this had only worked to confirm Rhia’s suspicions. Upon inquiring about Rhia’s father, Rhia gladly told him that he’d passed away when she was a child. Kanan then accused her of lying to prove her point, much to Rhia’s amusement. 

“So,” Rhia began, fighting down a burst of laughter, “you’re saying Hera has a _really great_ relationship with her dad then, yes?” Kanan didn’t look up and tried desperately to hide the fact that he was holding back laughter. He took a drink, hoping to hide his creeping smile behind his glass. In the silence, they both eventually burst into laughter. 

Kanan was definitely feeling it. His head felt like it was suspended in a bacta tank and there was a permanently peaceful look on his face. Having been so tense for weeks, this was undoubtedly a welcome disposition. There was something to be said as well for Rhia and the conversation they were having. Not only had it felt so nice to tell her about his family now, she’d made it feel so natural and ok. Not that he’d done anything wrong, but many exes could easily have turned bitter or offered fake support. Rhia, however, had been warm and normal. Telling her about Hera and Ezra felt just as natural as any of their conversations had been seven years ago. Still, there was no doubt- as much as the thought of Hera right now made his heart swell, his reverence toward Rhia in this regard had begun to sow seeds of conflict in him. 

Their laughter subsided. Rhia met his eyes from across the table and the seeds began to grow. Kanan downed the last of his drink and gave all the signs of being about to leave. Just before he stood up, however, a very special voice spoke to him from the doorway. 

“I wondered where you were,” Hera said, causing Kanan to go from surprised to smiling like an idiot in record time. 

“Hera!” he said, and noted the volume in his voice had risen for no reason. He really couldn’t hold his alcohol anymore. Hera’s eyes widened knowingly, going from him to the bottle, and she smirked. 

“Captain Syndulla,” Rhia stood up welcomingly and offered her a hand. “I didn’t really get to introduce myself earlier. I’m Rhia Denley,” she said, not seeming at all three drinks deep. She took Hera’s hand gently and the twi’lek returned a smile. 

“Hera,” she replied. “It’s nice to meet you. I rarely get to meet a friend of Kanan’s,” she added. Rhia turned back to him and they both looked at him as he grinned drunkenly.

“That’s not surprising,” Rhia said. “He never had many of those,” and both women laughed at his expense. “Please, sit,” Rhia insisted, offering her a chair. She then went to the cabinet and pulled out another glass. Placing it in front of Hera, she began pouring. Hera held up a hand at a half.

“Oh that’s plenty, thank you,” and Rhia stopped obligingly. 

“We were just talking about you,” Rhia began and Kanan shot her a look, concerned about exactly which part of their conversation Rhia was about to share. Rhia pretended not to notice. “I can’t believe Kanan has a padawan. You should have known this man on Gorse!”

Hera looked at him with pride, but she also took note of the fact that Rhia knew he was a jedi. She then realized Rhia had said “Gorse.”

“I did know him on Gorse,” Hera started. “Or, well, I met him on Gorse.” 

Rhia looked at Kanan subtly and for the first time all night, the warmth in her face faltered slightly. 

“It was after you… left,” Kanan offered, jumping in. “Maybe like a month after you left. I ran into Hera and swept her off her feet of course.” Hera snorted and Rhia followed.

“I know there is no kriffing way _she_ followed _you_ anywhere,” Rhia said, taking a drink. She turned to Hera, all but pretending Kanan wasn’t in front of her. “He was in trouble wasn’t he?” she asked flatly. Hera laughed.

“Something like that.” Kanan threw out his hands in dramatic disbelief.

“What? _You_ were in trouble- we all were!” Kanan griped. Hera nodded, appeasing him.

“That’s true. Gorse was a mess,” she said and took a drink. 

“What happened there?” Rhia asked. Kanan looked at her and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“You remember that explosives guy, Skelly?” At the name, Rhia threw her head back in a resounding affirmative. 

“Skelly! Man that guy was a fucking wack job,” she said and Hera laughed, clearly agreeing. “You met him?” Rhia asked.

“Oh yeah. I know I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but I have to agree. Skelly nearly got us killed a handful of times.” Rhia was definitely interested now.

Over the next hour or so (eventually none of them was really aware of the time), Hera and Kanan regaled Rhia with how they met on Gorse and the entirety of the disasters and successes of that highly unplanned mission. Eventually Hera emptied her glass and didn’t object to another, nor did Kanan. 

Truthfully, the drunker Rhia got the more her insides were a battlefield of emotions. Here she was with two people whose company she was enjoying immensely. But she couldn’t deny that everything that had once attracted her to Kanan was still alive and well. In fact, he’d only seemed to change for the better since she’d last known him. Additionally, she was falling in love with Hera almost immediately. The twi’lek had come off as calm and quiet, and while she definitely embodied those traits to an extent, she was also assertive and commanded attention, even when she appeared meek. Rhia understood why Kanan was with her, and she could only imagine the luck he felt at having met her, let alone being her partner.

Rhia poured another glass, attempting to drown her thoughts, at least until she could be alone with them. She’d lost count of how many drinks they’d each had, but the bottle was approaching its final drops, a sign that the number was quite large. Kanan’s eyes were drooping and she wondered how long he’d last before he’d try to sleep on the floor. Hera was feeling it too, but she’d paced herself and remained relatively composed. Her speech gave her away though; each drink she took seemed to chip away at her filter. It just made Rhia like her more.

“Did you know him when he was Caleb Dume?” Hera asked abruptly, looking at Rhia with an interested expression. Rhia was a bit caught off guard and looked to Kanan for a hint at how to proceed. He met her eyes but said nothing.

“I did,” Rhia started, “or at least I think he was between ‘Caleb Dume’ and ‘Kanan Jarrus,’” she offered. Hera seemed to be contemplating this. 

“I didn’t go by ‘Kanan’ yet, but _she_ outed me,” Kanan said, pointing an accusatory finger at Rhia. Rhia rolled her eyes yet again.

“Hera,” she said, turning away from Kanan. “You should have seen this kid,” she started and a few drunken giggles made her pause. “You think he’s bad now? Everything annoying he does now, he did times _a thousand_ when I met him,” and she slipped back into giggles with Hera. Kanan shook his head but smiled. Hera’s face lit up at a thought.

“You knew him when he was a kid?” Hera asked, excitedly. 

“Well, not exactly. He was 17 but he was absolutely a kid that’s for sure,” she said grinning back at Kanan. “Though,” she went back to Hera, “if you _told_ him he was a kid he’d get _so offended_ ,” she said and cackled with the twi’lek. 

“He told me he hates that! Like, defensive much?” Hera said with a laugh. Kanan looked at both of them.

“I’m right here, guys,” he offered, but Rhia and Hera were still too busy laughing at the thought of young, defensive Kanan.

“Hera, do you know what this little teenager did nearly the _moment_ he met me?” she asked. “Keep in mind, I’m quite a bit older than him and I was _definitely_ too old for him when he was seventeen.” It was Hera’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Oh kriff, he tried to hit on you didn’t he?” 

“Don’t tell me-” Rhia started, egging Hera on.

“He did the same thing to me!” Hera nearly shouted and the two women doubled over in laughter. 

“Wow,” was all Kanan could say, returning to his glass. Eventually Rhia and Hera finished laughing and dabbed the tears from their eyes.

“So how did you figure out he was Caleb?” Hera asked.

“Well, at the time he was running with the smuggler Janus Kasmir,” Rhia started. Hera nodded.

“He’s told me about him.”

“So at the time I was part of a crew on a transport that he and Kasmir hired. Only,” she looked and spoke directly at Kanan, “they failed to tell us just how hot they were before we took off,” Rhia joked, as if she still held it against him. “I’d done some bounty hunter work before, so after even the slightest bit of research I found his goofy little face all over the holonet in an instant, and he hadn’t even bothered to disguise himself!” she all but yelled.

“I’d changed my look!” Kanan argued. “I’d started wearing a ponytail then,” he said with drunken confidence. Rhia and Hera shared a knowing look. 

“He looked nearly identical,” Rhia continued. “So, I told our captain we needed to drop them, only-”

“He was a huge asshole,” Kanan cut her off. She snorted.

“Indeed. I didn’t tell him Kanan was a jedi, but he’d figured out that if I was so eager to get rid of them, he must be worth a lot. So, he intended to collect with the Empire. And do you know what this fucking maniac and Kasmir did to me?” she asked Hera, getting heated. Hera’s eyes were wide and she shook her head, invested.

“Look-” Kanan had started, but Rhia continued as if she hadn’t heard him.

“Those two idiots stunned me- even though I was going to help them! Next thing I know, I'm waking up on the floor of an escape pod with a crick in my neck!" she said, finishing her story with a drink. Hera frowned and looked at Kanan with goofy disapproval.

"Kanan!" she chastised him. He held his hands up in defense.

"We didn't know you were planning on helping us!" he spoke in a way that said this was not the first time he'd had to defend himself here. "The captain was your boyfriend. We assumed you'd just go along with him, so we took you hostage. And it worked!” he added. Rhia narrowed her eyes at him with a smirk. 

“It did, but I hadn’t thought about turning either of you in until I woke up in that pod,” she said, laughing and lost in the memory for a moment. She drained her glass. 

Hera watched the red-haired woman with great interest and warmth. She’d gleaned from their awkward meeting earlier that day that she and Kanan had some sort of history, and she’d felt the early pangs of jealousy when she’d found them here alone, drinking. But Rhia had a friendliness to her that seemed to quiet any other negative emotion in the room. There were still quiet thoughts in Hera’s mind relating to Rhia’s pleasing face and her tall, muscular frame that made her feel like _competition_. Not to mention, her vibrant hair, which seemed so deeply red at times and other times, when her movements caught the dim lighting just right, seemed almost reflective and chromatic. Regardless, Hera mostly felt like she’d formed a fast friend, and it was nice to be around another woman her own age. The alcohol didn’t hurt either. 

“So what happened next?” Hera asked, interested in the end of the story.

“Well, we did a job or two together, just so I could get some cash now that I was crewless and shipless,” Rhia said, giving Kanan another quick look. “But it didn’t last much longer and I left him and Kasmir. Though, I did hear about some low-profile work on Gorse back then and I told him about it. I never thought he’d actually listen to me,” she finished, giving Kanan a small smile. There it was again, that competitive feeling inside of Hera.

“And then you ended up there at the same time, years later?” she asked, drawing Rhia’s attention back to her. 

“Somehow, yes,” Kanan said, a little quieter than he’d been. A comfortable hush fell over the table. Three drunken adults sat, enveloped in warm intoxication and warmer memories. It hurt each one of them a bit to notice the emptiness of the bottle in front of them. The realization that the night was drawing to a close began descending on them, and Rhia, noticing the small bit left in each of their glasses, held up hers in a toast.

“To old and new friends,” she said, looking from Kanan to Hera. They both smiled back at Rhia and drained their glasses with her, adding the slightest bit of fog to their already foggy brains. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback reveals more about Rhia's interesting features and Kanan reveals his captivation over one of those features in particular.

**16 years prior**

**Aboard CT-900 freighter,** **_Exuberance_ **

Kanan Jarrus hadn’t felt this way since he was on Kaller. He’d been chased by his old clone squadron for years since Order 66, but he’d never been discovered by an  _ outsider _ before. Now, as he stood in the hallway of a ship in the middle of hyperspace, he pressed his forehead to the cold metal wall beside him. Sweat prickled on his neck and his head felt a little light. Knowing someone else knew he was a jedi hadn’t just scared him- it terrified him. 

Kanan took a deep breath and calmed himself, calling upon his meditation experience from when he was a jedi, funnily enough. He breathed again.

“Alright, lad?” a voice startled him out of his trance. 

Kanan straightened himself and tried hard to pretend he hadn’t just been leaning on the wall. The pilot, Mack, eyed him quizzically. 

“Kid?” 

At that, Kanan frowned, though he could feel his mind drained of all fight at the moment.

“Don’t call me that,” he said quietly and walked past the ship pilot and into the galley. 

Mack, who had better things to do than talk to one of his non-crew passengers (let alone a teenage one), pulled greasy work gloves from his hands and yelled down a shaft in the floor that led to the cargo bay. 

“Hey Rhia, don’t take too long moving those stacks- we’re starving up here!” Mack was smiling and laughing at his own joke, though Kanan could tell by the tone that Mack generally being obnoxious was his idea of joking. Kanan saw a skinny metal tool of some kind hurl itself up out of the hole in the floor, narrowly missing Mack’s face as he bent over the opening. Kanan smirked.

Mack strolled off down to his quarters and left Kanan alone in the galley. A few seconds later, Kanan heard a very loud crash in the cargo bay below, followed by a woman swearing even louder.

“Dank farrik!” Rhia yelled, exasperated. 

Kanan really wasn’t in the mood to be helpful, especially not toward Rhia. She’d been perfectly nice the entire time Kanan had been aboard  _ Exuberance _ , but now she  _ knew _ him. He replayed his last conversation, moments ago, with her over in his mind and felt ice in his gut. No, she’d manage on her own down there. 

Just as Kanan stood up to go to his own quarters, a couple more smaller crashes happened below. He rolled his eyes at himself, knowing he was a sucker for lending a quick hand, even if it was someone he’d hoped to never speak to again. 

Determined (disdainfully) to lend a hand, Kanan climbed down the ladder to the bay. Turning to face the expected mess, he was all but dumbstruck at what he  _ didn’t _ expect to see. Rhia, nearly turned completely away from Kanan, was in the middle of tying her hair more securely back in place. Kanan was mesmerized. 

He’d noticed Rhia had vibrant, deep red hair the moment he’d seen her- anyone would. But she kept it up, tightly wound in a way that had hidden just howlong it was. Not only that, but it didn’t look so, well,  _ alien _ as it did all hanging loosely, catching the lights. It was long, hiding her entire back, and wavy, especially near the ends. Kanan’s mouth hung open and he couldn’t decide if he was seeing it sparkle or not. He’d been assuming she was just a fellow human, but looking at her now, he wasn’t so sure. She finished wrapping it up and caught a glimpse of him in the corner of her eye. She clearly thought about speaking but then hesitated, wondering how long he’d been standing there.

“Wow,” Kanan heard himself, unfortunately, utter. Rhia rolled her eyes, but revealed a small smile.

“That’s charming,” she said wryly. 

“Your hair, I’ve- I’ve neve seen anything like it,” he said, finally able to string some words together. Rhia’s smile faltered.

“Yeah, it’s genetic,” was all she offered before she went back to organizing the mess around her. When Kanan didn’t move, she started to get a little irritated. 

“What do you want, Kanan?” she asked, a little nastier than she meant to be. It seemed to bring him back to reality.

“I was just uh… I heard the crashes and thought you might need help,” he said feebly. Rhia softened at this. She also noted he refused to meet her eyes, a difference, she noted, that was new. New for the new dynamic that now surrounded and suffocated both of them: Kanan, a jedi outcast, and Rhia, the woman who’d found him out. 

“Oh,” she started, “well then thank you. Can you pick up the stacks over there while I get these?” she pointed and Kanan nodded, turning away silently, and began picking up the scattered cargo. 

Rhia went back to her own mess, but paused to watch him. He’d come all the way down here to help, but clearly not because of her. They’d been getting along so well it was hard for Rhia to remember that she had found him absolutely intolerable when she’d first met him. She’d only outed him for the good of her crew and to make sure that his identity didn’t bring them all down. She had absolutely no intentions of revealing the jedi to anyone and had promised that she would make up something else to tell the crew once they dropped them off at a far more remote location than Kanan and Janus had originally paid them for. But still, here it was, a chasm between the two of them, only instead of them both being on either side, Rhia stood at the top holding a rope from which Kanan dangled in the abyss below. Or at least that’s how it felt to him.

She knew what she had to do, the only thing that would ease the boy’s mind. 

“I’m a Morellian,” she said simply, eyes on her work. Kanan stopped and looked at her.

“What?”

“My species. We all have the hair.” 

Kanan’s brain finally caught up to what she was saying. Before seeing her hair, he’d never questioned her species and had been assuming, wrongly, that she was a human. Every other facet of her appearance led him to believe she was human, though now as his eyes were drawn again to her hair now, he realized it made sense why he’d never encountered such a thing before. 

“Morellian? I’ve... never heard of them.”

“Well, they’re mostly a legend now, not something most people even hear about. I’ve not seen another like me since I was young,” she said, a more solemn edge to her tone. 

“Where are you from?” Kanan asked, interested in both the subject and changing it slightly.

“Morellia,” she started, letting out a little laugh at what sounded so obvious. “It’s a small planet out beyond the outer rim,” she explained. “I haven’t been there since I was young either.” 

“What happened to them?” Kanan asked before he had really thought about it.

“The last full clan of them was killed about 70 years ago,” she said, not looking at him. “There haven’t been Morellians on Morellia since.”

Kanan dropped the subject he now felt bad for asking about. He’d planned not to say another word and just finish helping her in silence when suddenly a thought occurred to him.

“Wait,” he began, “you said you’d been there- that you’d seen other Morellians when you were young. But that’d make you…” he trailed off, realizing the math and scrutinizing her carefully. She smirked. 

“We also live for a long time,” she explained. 

“So when you told me earlier that you were too old for me…” he said, questioning. 

“I’m 136.”

“Oh,” Kanan was suddenly lost for words. She certainly did look older than him, but not  _ that  _ old. He said the only thing he could think of. “Well, you look great.” 

Rhia laughed, genuinely. She was still very unsure of this kid, especially given his past, but he had a natural charm that she could tell he was in the midst of fine tuning. She was a person who generally liked the quiet and she liked  _ being  _ quiet; naturally, she also liked quiet people, or, even better- few to no people. But she already seemed to like being around this kid, even if she hadn’t at first. It was why she had started this conversation in the first place.

“Even before my species became so rare, we were sort of hunted," she began, a little out of nowhere. "I mean, in the right market, to the right buyer, especially now, a Morellian slave, or even just enough of our hair, could set up a person with wealth for life,” she said as casually as if she was telling him what was for dinner. She slid a hoverpad under a stack of crates and activated it, pushing it neatly into a corner. 

Kanan had stopped working and stared at her, brow furrowed and mouth slightly open. He was just about to ask her why she was telling him this when she continued.

“Maybe even more than something as rare as a jedi.”

Kanan felt his shoulders relax, having been more tensed up than he’d even realized. For the first time since Rhia had told him she knew of his identity, his mind stopped racing and he stepped out of fight-or-flight mode. She still didn’t look back at him, and no more words were said while they cleaned up the rest of the crates in the bay. The silence wasn’t awkward or tense though, and Kanan enjoyed it and felt real gratitude, a feeling that was few and far between for him these days. She’d put him back on the same level as herself, or really, put herself on his level. She didn’t have to at all, but she’d given up what he figured was probably her biggest secret to him; she reset the dynamic between them, just to put him at ease. Upon this realization, Kanan felt something else that had eluded him greatly in the last few years: trust.

***

**Present Day**

Kanan guided the twi’lek down the hall, battling to keep himself in a straight line so that he could guide her to do the same. Hera was all giggles.

“Kanan, I  _ like _ her,” she said for the third time since they’d left Rhia in the galley. Kanan chuckled.

“Yes, she’s a very nice person,” he replied again, reaching a hand out to steady himself against the wall as Hera’s balance faltered. 

“I can definitely see why you guys dated,” she said, her voice slightly too loud.

“We didn’t exactly  _ date _ ,” Kanan interjected. He worried he came off as too defensive.

“Sorry,” Hera started, rolling her eyes playfully. “I can tell why you guys slept together frequently,” she said casually. Kanan chuckled but felt himself blush ever so slightly. 

Hera had never met a girl from Kanan’s past before, mostly because none of them lasted long enough for him to really even remember properly. He’d had a steady string of nothing steady for a long time in his late teens and early twenties, and Hera knew that much. She didn’t care, and Kanan could tell she meant that. So now, it felt weird to him for her to know not only  _ who _ Rhia was, but to actually meet her as well. Kanan had never mentioned her to Hera. 

“And her hair is so  _ red _ !” Hera announced, shaking Kanan out of his thoughts. “I’ve never seen hair like that, have you?”

“I’ve not-”

“I mean she’s gorgeous anyway,” Hera cut him off, “but she has such a striking… head!” Kanan laughed and Hera frowned at him.

“Don’t you laugh at me, Kanan Jarrus. You know I don’t drink much,” she said, putting a finger in his face. He pulled it gently down and held her hand. 

“I know, I haven’t had this much to drink in years I think.”

“You don’t sound drunk,” she said. They walked through their hangar doors and the  _ Ghost _ appeared, parked before them. “How do I sound so much drunker than you? I didn’t even drink that much!” Hera’s volume increased again and Kanan softly shushed her, laughing. 

“I don’t know, but I promise you I’m only holding it together to impress you,” Kanan said, only half joking. He did seem to be slightly more sober than Hera, but truthfully he couldn’t feel his face. 

Kanan led Hera up  _ Ghost’s _ ramp, both of them trying to keep their giggles as quiet as they could, for fear of bothering Zeb, Sabine, or Ezra. Finally, they made it to Hera’s quarters and he guided her to her bunk, laying her down and pulling off her boots. By the time he was finished, Hera’s eyes were drooping so low that for a moment he couldn’t tell if she was still awake. She smiled and curled her legs up closer to her chest, rolling to her side. 

“Kanan… I  _ like _ her,” she said again, a whisper that faded into the final sigh she released before sleep took hold. Kanan smiled and kissed her forehead before he left, as silently as his stumbling could be. 

For a moment he’d considered going to his own quarters and letting the drunken fog behind his eyes lull him to sleep. But something else pressed on his mind, willing itself and his feet forward. He felt both an intense longing and a swollen mass of guilt inside his chest. The longing brought him back into the bay, back down the hallway, and back to a galley that still had a light on. The guilt had begun wrapping tendrils around his heart, his lungs- whatever was pounding in his chest. But the pounding slowed those tendrils down, shook some of them off, and Kanan’s foggy mind was in no position to follow anything except straight, concentrated  _ feeling. _

Nearly running into him, Rhia gasped at Kanan’s sudden appearance in the doorway. 

“Fuck, Kanan, you know it’s late and quiet and no one’s around, right?” Rhia asked, catching her breath. Kanan laughed at her, more than he usually would have. Rhia laughed it off, but readjusted her grip on the shoulder strap of her bag and flipped the light off, clear signs that she was on her way out. 

“I needed to use your fresher,” Kanan said, making an obvious effort to enunciate over his slurs. Rhia raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t have a fresher on your ship?” she asked, skeptical. 

“Zeb’s… showering,” he said, not so smoothly. “You know… fur,” he added, as if it was clarifying. Rhia nodded, but slowly. 

“Ah, well, sure. I’m down here,” she said, pointing and exiting the galley to her right. Her pulse, which had been so pleasantly dropped for the evening, suddenly quickened, and that plus the alcohol started to make her queasy. She walked quickly so it would feel like there was a breeze. Even so, it was a short walk before they’d arrived. 

Rhia punched in her code and the door slid past them almost silently. Inside, there was a dull wall light that glowed a sunset-colored orange that bathed things in just the right amount of light to see where everything was. To save energy and to encourage regular sleeping patterns, the light remained this color until 0500, when it would begin to brighten to a bold white. This was the first time Rhia found herself wishing she could override such things.

Rhia knew why he’d asked to come in. Even if he really did have to use the fresher, the point was still just to be inside, away from anything and anyone. She could now feel her heart rate increasing more every second it seemed, and all it did was make her angry with herself, which made it worse. 

“It’s there,” she said softly and pointed to the door on the left, the other one being a small closet. 

Once he’d closed the door behind him Rhia felt her shoulders fall as she breathed out loudly, unaware that she’d been holding back. She sat down on her bed to untie her boots, thinking desperately about what she was going to say- what she was going to  _ have _ to say. When she heard the flush she stood up quickly, worried about how it would look to him if he came out and she was sitting on the bed. She turned to her dresser, where she began rifling through her sock drawer when Kanan came out of the fresher. She took a quiet but deep breath.

“I know why you’re here, Kanan,” she said evenly.

“Why I am here- like on this ship? Or like here, here?” he asked, and she could hear the smile in his voice. He was at the part of the night where everything that comes out of his mouth is somehow a joke. Every statement had a natural lift in tone at the end, as if it were a punchline. She wanted to roll her eyes because it both drove her insane and,  _ for some reason _ , greatly affected the strength of her knees. She had to stay serious though; she did not want to be that kind of person. 

“Kanan,” and she turned to face him. “I know why you’re here. I shouldn’t-  _ we _ shouldn’t have had so much to drink. I know why you wanted to come in here, but I just can’t,” she said, the last words coming out with more exasperation than she’d meant to show. He was barely listening.

“You don’t know why I’m here, Rhia,” he said calmly, that tranquil smile glued to his face.

“Kanan I know what you want- it just-”

“You really don’t.”  
“Kanan-” she started, her voice beginning to raise. His voice, unchanging this whole time, cut her off.

“Can I see your hair?” he asked, the drunkenness of the words and the way he said them enveloping her in something that felt so wholesome. Her hands, which she’d begun to raise in an exhausted gesture, fell to her sides, her arms suddenly feeling so heavy.

Kanan looked at her and even in the fogginess of his inebriated brain he knew he’d remember what she looked like when everything about her suddenly softened. Rhia paused. Her mouth fell open just slightly, but instead of speaking she simply offered him a shaky but honest head nod. She gave him the smallest smile before she turned back around to face her dresser and her hands went up into the knot of hair she kept piled on top of her head. 

Kanan watched her remove a few pins first, silently placing them on top of her dresser, and slowly strands and chunks of hair began to fall away. Once she was done with those, she worked her fingers beneath the bun, finding the ends of her hair and unwinding what seemed to be an endless ponytail. This wasn’t the first time Kanan had watched her do this, and it was every bit as mesmerizing as he remembered. Even in the dull orange light, it glimmered, reminding him of the way a grassy hill seems to shimmer in the wind.

Rhia undid the final tie and it all came cascading down her shoulders, throwing a fiery halo around her in every direction as she turned back around to face him. She ran her fingers through it a bit, feeling the relief of the tension off of her scalp. 

Kanan watched as the sunset-colored ceiling lamp made her shine like something that had been detonated. The slightest motion of her head threw ripples of metallic colors from root to tip, and Kanan tried to look at every inch of it at once, not wanting to miss such an amazing opportunity. Rhia was pleasantly attractive to most people and would be with or without hair. But with  _ this _ hair, long and untamed as it was now, even in this artificial light, she looked positively divine. If she’d claimed now, in this moment, that she was some mythical goddess, there wasn’t a soul in the galaxy who wouldn’t believe her, let alone Kanan. He knew she wasn’t though, and that knowledge just made him like her more. She was just Rhia-  _ beautiful _ Rhia. 

She met his eyes as they took a break from roaming around her head. He swallowed. 

“ _ Oh, kriff. _ ”


End file.
